cranapple harlequinade with ducks
Yesterday

Yesterday I asked for help. And I got it.
And asking for help was harder than I thought. I didn’t know if my doctor would listen to me, or what they would recommend. I knew what I wanted to have happen. (Even though many people told me to go about help a different way.) And by some miracle of miracles my doctor wrote me a prescription and sent in the most adorable woman to give me a list of therepists. And the one she advised me to see is four blocks away from my house.

My struggle with depression and anxiety is not nearly so hard as other peoples. I never have really self harmed for instance and my idea of ending it all was laying in my bed for 2 days and hoping for a lightning strike because I sure as hell didn’t want to get up ever again. I shut down when I’m depressed. I sit quietly in a corner and ball it up till I freak out at people. And frankly, I have nothing to freak out at any more. Not really. I went from a high stress environment where everything I did was wrong and made me throw up from the stress to an environment with my husband where everything is okay. The only thing not okay is my mental illness butting it’s way in to what should be some of the best years of my life. And I’m not involved. I watch my son play and can’t join in. And it hurts.

I feel that by seeking help I am somehow taking resources from someone else who needs more help from professionals than I do. But that isn’t the case. And I’m going to keep reminding myself of that. I’m going to journal to see how this all goes (offline. Don’t worry.) And try to see if this is helping. Tuesday I call the counseling center and see what may be seen.(Monday is a stupid holiday). And I’ll adapt. And change. And try new things. To get better. To be my best me.
Whew.

mysoulhasgrowndeep-liketherivers:

thepoliticalfreakshow:

BREAKING: Here’s the tweet that could lead to a new grand jury in Ferguson, MO. 
#Ferguson: @shaunking took screenshot of tweeter @thesusannichols who claims to know juror on #MikeBrown #DarrenWilson grand jury & appears to be receiving leaked information. King says that within seconds of posting this, her friends told her to delete it & she did but not before it was screenshotted. She has since deleted her entire account but King says they checked & she is indeed a #STL resident w/ years’ worth of tweets from there. “If true, her tweet not only reveals a leak in the grand jury, but gives us an ugly glimpse into how things have gone so far. This person who posted it on twitter & her contact on the grand jury must be fully & completely investigated & removed if it’s true.”-@shaunking

Y’all better reblog the fuck outta this post it on facebook, twitter, IG, myspace, friendster, everything get this information out

mysoulhasgrowndeep-liketherivers:

thepoliticalfreakshow:

BREAKING: Here’s the tweet that could lead to a new grand jury in Ferguson, MO. 

#Ferguson@shaunking took screenshot of tweeter @thesusannichols who claims to know juror on #MikeBrown #DarrenWilson grand jury & appears to be receiving leaked information. King says that within seconds of posting this, her friends told her to delete it & she did but not before it was screenshotted. She has since deleted her entire account but King says they checked & she is indeed a #STL resident w/ years’ worth of tweets from there. “If true, her tweet not only reveals a leak in the grand jury, but gives us an ugly glimpse into how things have gone so far. This person who posted it on twitter & her contact on the grand jury must be fully & completely investigated & removed if it’s true.”-@shaunking

Y’all better reblog the fuck outta this post it on facebook, twitter, IG, myspace, friendster, everything get this information out

When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart.

When you are 14,
a voice will call you to greatness.
When the doubters call you crazy, do not listen.
They don’t know the sound
of their own God’s whisper. Use your armor,
use your sword, use your two good hands.
Do not let their doubting
drown out the sound of your own heartbeat.
You are the Maid of Untamed Patriotism.
Born to lead armies into victory and unite a nation
like a broken heart.

When you are 15, you will be punished
for learning too proudly. A man
will climb onto your school bus and insist
your sisters name you enemy.
When you do not hide,
he will point his gun at your temple
and fire three times. Three years later,
in an ocean of words, with no apologies,
you will stand before the leaders of the world
and tell them your country is burning.

When you are 16 years old,
you will invent science fiction.
The story of a man named Frankenstein
and his creation. Soon after you will learn
that little girls with big ideas are more terrifying
than monsters, but don’t worry.
You will be remembered long after
they have put down their torches.

When you are 17 years old,
you will strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig
one right after the other.
Men will be afraid of the lightening
in your fingertips. A few days later
you will be fired from the major leagues
because “Girls are too delicate to play baseball”

You will turn 18 with a baby on your back
leading Lewis and Clark
across North America.

You will turn 18 
and become queen of the Nile.

You will turn 18 
and bring justice to journalism.

You are now 18, standing on the precipice,
trembling before your own greatness.

This is your call to leap.

There will always being those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.
They don’t see the part of you that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out the sound
of your own heartbeat.

You are the first drop of a hurricane.
Your bravery builds beyond you. You are needed
by all the little girls still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters and
throwing like lightening.

You don’t need to grow up to find greatness.
You are stronger than the world has ever believed you to be.
The world laid out before you to set on fire.
All you have to do
is burn.

int-jorp:

Posted on July 22, 2014

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social. It’s not that you don’t like going out, it’s that you are very choosy about when, where, and for how long.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best…

Aaaahh I never knew. I never knew.

the-13th-floor:

“Beware of Artists” - Actual poster issued by Senator Joseph McCarthy in 1950s, at height of the red scare.

the-13th-floor:

“Beware of Artists” - Actual poster issued by Senator Joseph McCarthy in 1950s, at height of the red scare.

dr-archeville:

necessary:

he needs those parts for his space ship

So he can return to otter space.

dr-archeville:

necessary:

he needs those parts for his space ship

So he can return to otter space.

pitchercries:

idhren:

pyrrhiccomedy:

pikestaff:

This town in Russia is called Zheleznogorsk.

Their flag and coat of arms is a bear splitting the atom.

image

That is all.

*kicks down door, knocks over end table, vase crashes to the floor*

No that is NOT all, because…